Being an NBA aficionado, I always find myself playing NBA 2K during the off season. Only in the last two iterations of the franchise (2K7 and 2K8) have I taken my game online to take on fellow Xbox Live members. Upon my return from Italy though, it has come to my attention that it has become a bit more difficult to find a good game against someone online. Besides there not being too many people playing NBA 2K8 during NBA off season, there are also some connection issues with 2K Sports' beloved basketball sim that make it tough to even commence a game with certain players. Once a potential adversary is found, however, it becomes even more arduous to enjoy the ensuing twenty (or less) minutes of pixelated basketball action. This, of course, is due to the three different types of characters you'll find when venturing to play NBA 2K8 online, and I've done the human race a favor by categorizing them below.
The Cheesers
The Cheesers are actually a rare breed of pest. You won't encounter Cheesers very often, but when you do, they're probably just as annoying as the Quitters or Sore Losers. Like Quitters, there is more than one type of Cheeser.
Kobe Bryant Cheesers
I've always thought that the Kobe Bryant Cheesers should be given the benefit of the doubt, but I've changed my mind after seeing how some people use him in-game. Kobe, in real life, is almost unstoppable. Therefore, in NBA 2K8, he is almost unstoppable. But, Kobe, in real life, does not run up, down, sideways, and around in circles throughout the court while dribbling, hoping to finally, at some point, get open, and launch a shot. NBA 2K8 players, on the other hand, do exactly that, and actually have a lot of success with that strategy due to Kobe's insane (yet deserved) ratings.
Exploit Abusers
These Cheesers have found a way, no matter what team they play with, to somehow get down the court with their centers and power fowards faster than baseline photographers' shutter speeds. They inbound the ball to their point guard and then launch it down the court to their center or forward, whom is already waiting under the basket, with the nearest defender barely at the three-point line. Easy dunk. Of course, this strategy doesn't work one-hundred, or even seventy-five percent of the time, yet this strategy defeats the purpose of playing a basketball simulation videogame.
Normally, Cheesers also fall into the other categories below.
Quitters
These sacks of manure probably make up close to half of 2K's online population. The development team has worked hard to punish quitters any way they can with their online interface. Aside from a player losing rank for quitting, stats for how many times a player has quit or "dropped" from a game are kept on a player's 2K Player Card. These stats may be viewed at any time by fellow 2K players and are meant to inform a competitor that wants to play a game that he may be commencing a game with one of these pests. Quitters can be categorized into two different classes:
'Oh-No!-You-Just-Scored-Six-Straight-Points-On-Me' Quitters: A very frequently found quitter, these lowlifes take the time to adjust their camera angle and player matchups, only to quit upon the first sign of their opponent going on a run (something that is quite common in basketball and not necessarily a tell-tale sign for a loss). These quitters believe that only they, the superior player, should be able to go on a run, and therefore quit (in apparent disbelief) because someone has shown them otherwise. These quitters have also been spotted dropping games because their superstar misses their first seven three-pointers.
'Close-Game-but-It's-Evident-That-I-Will-Lose-in-the-Final-Seconds' Quitters: These guys are similar to the ONYJSSSPOM Quitters, but don't be fooled. These scums of the Earth are somewhat of a tease. They stick with you even after you've gone on your run, because they know that, eventually, they'll go on one of their own. But, once the game clock ticks closer and closer to that final buzzer, the CGBIETIWLITFS decide that they'd rather shave their grandmother's mustache than endure the final seconds of a game they have lost. You'll know you've encountered an CGBIETIWLITFS as you dribble the ball up the court, take a glance at the scorebox to see that you're up eight and there are only seven seconds left (and you decide to do the sportsman-like thing and just hold the ball until the time runs out), and suddenly your screen goes black -- your opponent has disconnected.
The Sore Losers
It's probably fair to say that whomever is not a quitter on 2K8 online is most likely a sore loser. These folks will play the whole game, let the final buzzer sound, and proceed to leave you negative feedback, making your 2K Rating go down (and in turn people will be less inclined to play with you). Common negative feedback comments given:
Verbally Abusive: ...Except you weren't even using a microphone.
Abused Some Exploits: Because Steve Nash just happened to go eight-for-twelve from the three-point line because your opponent always double teams the post on defense with his PG.
Poor Sportsmanship: Because you did not allow your opponent to get back into the game in the fourth quarter by just shooting half-court shots.
And there you have it folks. NBA 2K8 is a great basketball sim, and when played by two good samaritans, can be oodles of fun. Sadly, when playing NBA 2K8 online, you'll find that over half of the potential opponents playing online fall into one of these three categories.
Happy gaming, all!
